In Defense of Queer Disorder
Identity is fluid, and should not be forcibly categorized
I am eternally grateful for the LGBTQ+ community and how it helped me to discover my identity and help to find my place in the world. Without it, I would’ve never discovered that I was nonbinary and trans.
Though, at the same time, I am frustrated with it. Frustrated with its obsession with sorting people into neat little categories and labels. And getting upset when individuals bend those categories, how they evolve and their meanings change.
All too often do I see people attacking others for using labels or identities that they claim don’t fit together, as if there’s a finite amount of space within the labels they claim and they can’t double-dip. Or they say that their continued existence de-legitimizes the “real” members of said labels, and it “harms the community.” And then they claim that the LGBTQ+ community is “inclusive” and “a safe space” for people to discover themselves. Except… it is only “inclusive” if you adhere to the definitions of labels established by others.
This contradiction frustrates me.
Identity is a personal thing. It means something different to everyone. One person may wish to be masculine, another feminine, another still wants to toe the line. Others may want to adhere to tradition, and some may want to break it. The one fact throughout all of this is that the only person who can determine your identity is you. Others do not get to police who you are (provided, of course, what you are is not illegal or objectively/morally wrong). Others may not fit into your definition of a label or identity, and that is okay. They still deserve a seat at the table of any label they feel they belong to.
In addition, the arguments suggesting there is limited space in the LGBTQ+ community, too, is strange to me. We are all collectively fighting for our rights, together, hand in hand. There is no reason to compare our struggles, and our oppression, except to make others simply feel worse for being who they want to be.
Not to mention everyone has different tolerances and breaking points for oppression— why would we exclude others for being more resistant than we are? They do not take more resources from those in greater need, nor do they detract from our cause. Not to mention the others who we want to “take us more seriously” hate us anyway, and we would never convince them to take us seriously by excluding people.
As a nonbinary person who doesn’t fit neatly into any particular labels these sorts of “labelists” make me anxious, and tired. It makes me feel like I don’t belong, or that I’m some sort of trespasser for simply being. This sort of exclusionary behavior is reflective of actual bigots, who forced our hands and made us create our safe spaces in the first place. Why do we perpetuate such behavior? Why do we feel the need to exclude, when there is enough room in the LGBTQ+ community for everyone?
The answer to that question is difficult, and a bit complicated.
The most vital thing one can do is be supportive, and inclusive of others’ identities and how they feel about themselves. As I said before, we shouldn’t be afraid of change within our community (is that not what we want to happen within society as a whole?), and we should be open to labels changing their meanings or expanding their scope. We shouldn’t tolerate “labelists” just as much as we shouldn’t tolerate bigotry within our community. The community needs to show more support and care for those that fall outside the binary, besides just words.
If you’ve also felt the pressure from “labelists,” don’t be afraid to speak up about it. Bring your concerns and your worries to the table, because your experience and your voice matters. Don’t let others subliminally push you to silence, just because you have a different relationship with gender or LGBTQ+ labels than they do.
And if you find yourself guilty of being a “labelist,” ask yourself why. Do a bit of introspection. Maybe your own relationship with your identity is not so clear-cut as you thought.
